


Heat Wave

by alizarin_nyc



Category: Firefly
Genre: Flash Fic, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-10
Updated: 2015-07-10
Packaged: 2018-04-08 14:41:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4309095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alizarin_nyc/pseuds/alizarin_nyc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What would be hot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heat Wave

“Hey. You know what would be hot?” Kaylee asked.

She was sitting with Inara at the table in the common area and River was pretending to cook something in the little kitchen. River brought her knife down, hard, and a tuber went skittering in halves in two directions.

“Mal and Jayne and Simon in a threesome,” Kaylee continued, when Inara didn’t answer.

“Ew,” River said, chasing the tuber around.

“Kaylee, your taste in sexual intimacies seems to be skewed. Perhaps it’s the result of too much time spent around Jayne.” Inara frowned slightly, glancing up from her bound manuscript to see just how serious Kaylee was.

“Mal would take charge,” Kaylee said, eyes drifting slightly shut. “Simon would be kinda shy, at first, then he’d feel the Captain’s calloused hands over his chest and he’d break, sure as daylight in the mornin’.”

“Well, _that’s_ a sight I’ve envisioned on more than one occasion,” Inara said and lifted her eyebrow at Kaylee. “But you put Jayne in there, and that’s where I would draw the line.”

“C’mon Inara, think about it. Jayne on his knees, doin’ what Mal tells him to do? Cursin’ at the both of ‘em, but wanting to lick ‘em hard, ‘specially soft Simon, and not able to resist when Mal gives ‘im an order? You know that big mouth has got to have some serious suction.”

“I don’t know,” River said, popping up suddenly like a jack-in-the-box on the other side of the table, only her head visible. “Jayne’s air blows sometimes more hot than anything, and leads me to question his actual lung capacity.”

“Oh honey, a blow job doesn’t require actual blowing,” Kaylee said.

“Is this an appropriate conversation to be having with River?” Inara asked.

“Hell, ‘Nara, she’s 19 last month! And more mature than most on board!”

“I’m well aware,” River said, ducking back down under the table, where her voice continued, disembodied, “That our Captain and Simon would couple together nicely, if the Cap’n swung thataways that is, and that Jayne just wants to get off, long as he’s stayin’ on.”

Kaylee’s laughter rippled over the room and was only interrupted by the sound of a vigorous throat-clearing from the woman seated in a chair over near the bookshelf.

“What about Wash?” It was Zoe’s voice breaking in, bringing Kaylee’s head around and straightening Inara’s spine. “If he weren’t so damn dead, would you want him in your gorram naked dogpile?”

Zoe was hiding her smile. Everyone could see that, even River who was scrabbling under the table for tuber.

“Oh yeah,” Kaylee said warmly. “Nat’r’lly. Wash would be there, one form or ‘nother. He’d stalk in and pretend to be horrified, then make them all suck him, ‘fore he bent Mal over the table and…”

“Kaylee!” Inara was horrified.

“No, don’t stop.” Zoe stood up and joined the other women at the table. “I need a bit of girl talk and thinkin’ on Wash this way is good. I need a bit of good to go in with the bad.”

So they discussed it. They discussed who would put what where. They envisioned how Jayne would be Mal’s bitch and Mal would be Wash’s. They concluded that Simon would use his medical knowledge to hit just the right spots with unrelenting precision and that Mal would eventually, somehow, just fuck the whole thing up.

Zoe laughed harder than she’d laughed in months, and Inara found herself looking forward to her next rendezvous instead of dreading it. Kaylee swore she was about to head to her bunk any minute and River used her tubers to illustrate the conversation.

The women all agreed: it was a good day.

***

_Later that night, in the common area on Serenity_

“Hey. You know what would be _hot?_ ” Jayne said to Mal and Simon. "Kaylee, 'Nara n' Zoe. In a threesome!"

  
.


End file.
